Never Let Go
by Isabella387
Summary: War cannot not tear apart what the heart feel. McPriceley AU WWII. Summary sucks. Story kicks ass.


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><p>Kevin Price opened his eyes and came face to face with a reflection of himself; perfect brown hair in a perfectly pressed uniform. Perfect brown eyes gazed back at him; He couldn't tell if they had seen too much or if they were just soulless. He saw the reflection of his room. Bed made up perfect, perfect model plane sitting in the corner, books all lined up in alphabetical order on his bookshelf, the window that overlooked his hometown of Salt Lake City; perfect. It was odd, seeing his room; like looking at a museum display where everything was perfect, but devoid of life.<p>

There was something very off. The room smelt stale and Kevin wasn't sure how he had gotten there. He blinked. The scream of a bomb went off somewhere in the distance. The room reflected with light outside. The light of burning buildings. Salt Lake was on fire. Kevin tried to open the door to get into the hallway. He could hear the screams of his siblings and parents coming from the hallway. He tried turning the nob but it wouldn't budge. He tried again, the heat of fire coming back to bite his hand. The screams seemed to be coming from everywhere. He banged on his door, trying to break it down. The shrill sound of a falling bomb was heard closer than before.

Kevin ran to the window to see the destruction. He heard the air raid sirens. Another sound pierced his ears, one more bomb. It screamed down from the sky and fell upon his house. He felt the brief heat of an explosion and the screams of his family. _Kevin! Kevin! _

"Kevin, wake up!" Kevin's eyes snapped open and his body launched into the one that woke him up. Connor's body stumbled back a little bit as the other soldier latched on to his shirt. Connor wrapped his arms around Kevin and slowly rocked him as Kevin fought to catch his breath, "It's alright, it was only a dream."

"They keep getting worse." Kevin mumbled into Connor's shirt.

"I know, I know they do." Connor whispered, "But they're only dreams." There was the familiar scream of the air- raid siren coming from the streets. The air of England's south coast hung heavy in the hair with humidity. Kevin clutched onto Connors shirt as he heard the buzz of propellers go over head.

"No more." Kevin said shaking, "Dear God, please no more." Connor held him tightly.

"They aren't going to get you. I promise." Connor placed a kiss on Kevin's forehead. The room shook, a signal a bomb had been dropped probably nearby. The brown-haired private tried to bury his face further into his companion's uniform. "Kevin—Kevin, please—look at me." Price cautiously raised his head to look at McKinley's blue eyes, "I'm not going to let them hurt you."

Kevin launched forward and smashed their lips together.

It was hard falling for someone not knowing if this would be your last night together.

Connor and Kevin had met if only by chance about a year ago at a USO party. Kevin was a new recruit and wasn't expecting to become enamored with the cheery red-head who was singing on stage. Kevin declined every offer to dance, every drink that came his way, he just sat at his table and watched in awe as the other soldier belted his bari-tenor voice into the room. Kevin was far too nervous to talk to him after the performance.

He was given another chance however when he was transferred to Connor McKinley's unit.

"Private Kevin Price?"

"Yes, sir." Connor chuckled a bit.

"Don't call me, sir."  
>"Well then what can I call you?"<p>

"Connor." Their relationship was clunky to say the least. They both knew that they wanted each other, but neither were bold enough to make the first move; especially with the lieutenant breathing down their necks during every drill. One night, upon their arrival in England, the boys in their unit were allowed a night out on the town.

Connor turned the map upside down, trying to make sense of their place in the city of London.

"How the hell are you supposed to read this thing?"

"And they let you in the army?" Kevin said with a small chuckle, "I think they boys went to this pub, here." He pointed to a small cross section of street. Connor folded the map and tucked it away.

"Why on earth would they want to spend their time in a dark crowded pub with everyone falling over each other?" He said sitting down on a bench. Kevin joined him.

"I'm not sure. I'd rather be out here to be perfectly honest."

"Same." Kevin awkwardly tapped his foot on the side walk.

"Can I see the map?" Connor handed it to him.

"Knock yourself out." Kevin studied the map for a short while. His eyes lit up when he found their location. He grabbed Connor's hand and tried not to blush.

"Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"Tower Bridge!" he said dragging Connor through the streets of London.

"Kevin! Slow down! You're going to get us lost!" It wasn't long before they found the bridge. Kevin pulled Connor after him onto the bridge. They stopped in the middle, "Was all the running completely necessary?" Kevin shrugged.

"It's less crowded here isn't it?"

"I suppose so." Connor looked up at the sky and smiled, "I haven't seen stars in a while."

"Even at camp?" Connor shook his head.

"I don't have a bed by the window. Most of the time I'm too tired to even try and get to a window. Even though when I wake up the stars are dying… I haven't seen a full night sky in a long time."

"What time do you wake up?" Kevin said quirking his eyebrow. He tried to remember a time when they had woken up to dying stars, but usually they woke up to fog.

"Earlier than you."

"Why?"

"Bad dreams…" Connor said rubbing his hands together. Even in the middle of summer, nights in England were cold.

"Are you cold?" Kevin asked. Connor nodded absent mindedly. Kevin took off his outer jacket and wrapped it around Connor's smaller frame.

"What are you doing?"

"You're cold."

"But now you'll freeze."

"I don't mind." Kevin said with a wave of the hand, "I'm used to the cold."

"Well fine, but I'm not giving your jacket back." Connor said pulling it tightly around his body. He was happy the darkness hid his blush.

"Why do you have nightmares?" Kevin asked rather out of the blue, "We haven't even seen any action yet." They had both heard the stories. Soldiers go in, see something horrible, and suffer from nightmares thereafter.

"I— " Connor's voice caught in his throat, "Don't worry about it."

"Oh come on, you can tell me."

"No, I can't." Connor said rather forcefully. Kevin looked taken a back and Connor sighed, "They're just hell dreams. Nothing more. I've dealt with them for a long time, this doesn't make them any different. Not yet anyways."

"Why would you dream of hell?" Kevin asked with a quirked eyebrow, "You've never done anything wrong."

"_Ha_ right."

"I'm serious. From what you've told me you have a lovely family at home, you were a straight A student, lead singer in your choir, left your mission two months in to come here and defend your country. There is no reason you should be having—" Connor cut Kevin off with a bruising kiss. When the red head pulled back they just stood there in silence.

"That's why." Connor said. He took Kevin's jacket off and shoved it into the other soldier's arms, "I—I'm sorry, I'll go now." Kevin caught Connor's arm as he turned to leave and pulled him into another kiss. The red-head melted into the kiss but pushed back against Kevin's chest, "No."

"What?"

"No I—I am not pulling you down into this hell with me."

"Who said you were pulling me down?"

"You're confused. You haven't seen a girl in a while and you're taking out your affections on me." Connor said refusing to look Kevin in the eyes, "You are not like me." Connor tried to pull away again but Kevin held onto his wrist.

"Connor, stop. Maybe I am like you."  
>"Kevin, now is hardly the time to be thinking about these things."<p>

"Look all I know is that I like you." Kevin said bluntly. Connor met his eyes, "I like you. I'm attracted to you."

"No you're not." Kevin pulled him into another kiss and Connor pulled back, "Please don't make this harder."

"Connor, please. I know you want me too."

"Well maybe I do, but that doesn't make it right!"

"Who the hell is to say what's right?"

"We're in the middle of a war, Kevin. Do you know what that means? _War?_ It means that this," Connor motioned between them, "Can't happen. The Nazi's are killing people like me. People like me go to hell. I don't want you to go through with that! I don't want you to have the hell dreams. I don't want you to be kicked out of the army. _Disowned_. I don't want you getting hurt!" Kevin pulled Connor close and held him tightly.

"I would suffer all nine circles of hell if you would just admit you like and want me too." Kevin muttered to the top of Connor's head. Connor pulled back and looked Kevin square in the eyes.

"Nothing good will come of this."

"You don't know that." Kevin said with a smile. Connor pulled Kevin down to kiss him again. Kevin smiled. There was a war going on, but at least they had each other.

Not long after that night on that night on the bridge, the bombs started to fall. For McKinley, the nightmares got worse with every bomb that fell, but they got better with every kiss from Kevin. Kevin was McKinley's only comfort in a world that was falling apart.

They had to be careful. If the army suspected anything, they would send Connor and Kevin home without a second thought to face the shame of their families. Stolen kisses behind enemy lines, before battle. Neither could count the number of nights when one had awakened from a night terror into the loving arms of the other.

"You. Are such a dumb shit." Connor said crouching behind a fallen brick wall. He pressed one hand firmly against Kevin's arm while the other dug around in his pack, grabbing blindly for a first aid kid, "Stay down. One simple order! And you go and get yourself shot at."

"Connor, I'm fine!" Kevin said pulling out his own first aid kit, "Bullet barely hit me. I got the bastard didn't I?"

"Not the point. You could have been killed."

"But I wasn't!"

"But you _could _have been." Connor sighed as he took out an ace bandage, "The bullet didn't get lodged in there did it?"

"What part of barely grazed my arm do you not understand?"

"Well excuse me for giving two shits."

"Your language is offensive." Kevin said smartly. Connor glared at him and began wrapping his wound.

"There, you'll be fine."

"I already knew that."

"Shut up." Kevin glanced around and listened for the voice of their commanding officer. When he heard nothing he pulled Connor into a quick kiss, "Are you out of your mind?"

"Only a little."

The bombs were the worse. Both of them had seen their comrades die right before their eyes as bombs fell from the skies like stars. They never expected it. Air raid sirens could only ever do so much. You could never tell where the bombs would fall. They scared Kevin the worst. His night terrors involved his home, his country, his family, burning to a crisp from the bombs. When they were instructed to look for survivors, the nightmares got even worse.

"The stench is horrid." Kevin said pulling his uniform up over his nose and mouth.

"I know." Connor said he poked around in dark spaces with the tip of his rifle, "Is there anyone alive in there?" He called. No answer. He tried again. Still no answer.

"The building is torched, do you honestly think anyone could have survived that?" Kevin said walking further down the street. He thought he saw a body under a stairwell. He jogged over, "Hey! Hey over there!" The figure did not move. Kevin brushed the rubble away. A corpse, half torched from the bombs fell forward. Kevin stumbled back with a startled yelp. He studied the body and began to cry. Connor came around the corner.

"Kevin! Kev, are you okay? What happened? You're not hurt are you?" Kevin couldn't speak. Connor looked at the body Kevin had uncovered. It was a boy. Or rather it had been. Probably no older than ten. He had brown hair. At least, Connor thought he had brown hair.

"Mark…" Kevin muttered. Connor held him close. Kevin thought he had uncovered the body of his youngest brother.

"No, Kevin. It's not him. He's home. He's safe." Kevin clutched to Connor's uniform and cried, "Come on. Let's get you out of here." Connor pulled the other soldier to his feet and pulled him away from the corpse.

One last night was always a horrifying thing to think about. Kevin and Connor had been assigned to do recon in an old factory. They would be spending the night there. Alone. Kevin had awakened from another nightmare. One where Salt Lake was on fire. Connor had held him close when the bombs started to fall, they kissed when one fell close to the old factory, they held each other when the bombs stopped. They exchanged words of love when silence glided through the old building. Connor had exchanged his Saint Christopher medal. Kevin gave the other boy his silver pocket watch. It was a vow.

They latched onto each other's bodies after they had made their promise, not caring if anyone walked in. Bare skin to bare skin, providing heat against the cold winter air. They let the sound of the other's heart beat lull them to sleep. Connor knew in his heart that there could be nothing this pure in hell. Beauty didn't exist in hell. But then he couldn't help but wonder how something as beautiful as his lover Kevin could exist in such a hell as this war.

A few weeks later Connor sat in front of a war council. The head general looked down his long nose at the red-head. Connor shifted uncomfortably under their gaze.

"Are you aware of the charges against you?" The general asked.

"Yes."

"And you do realize Private Price will also be examined."

"He had nothing to do with this. What I say in my sleep has nothing to do with who I say them about."

"He's right sir," Connor glanced sideways at his commanding officer. The same commanding officer who had caught him having a dream—a rather wonderful dream—about his lover, "Private Kevin Price has shown no signs of homosexuality. In fact he has excelled in the field." The general nodded.

"Connor Sean McKinley," He said Connor looked at the general with cold, unfeeling blue eyes, "It has come to the attention of this council that you have partaken in less than savory acts and are in fact a homosexual. It is within the best interests of this court and of the United States Army that you are to be sent home, stripped of your rankings and benefits, and disassociated with this government's military. You will be sent home tomorrow." The general banged a gavel on the wood desk. McKinley stood up and gave a mocking salute before leaving the room. Kevin was waiting for him outside. The brown haired boy pulled his lover into a tool shed. He bolted the door as it shut.

"What happened?"

"I'm going home."

"No. No they can't do this!" Kevin said sitting down on a box. Connor stood their motionless.

"I told you nothing good would come of this." Connor said in a monotone voice.

"No. I found you." Kevin said standing back up pulling Connor close, "I found you."

"Kevin stop." Connor said pushing him away, "The same will happen to you to."

"I don't care! You can't leave me."

"You think I wanted this?" Connor said, tears coming to his eyes, "You think I wanted to fall in love with you only to be sent home for _what I am_?" Connor cried onto Kevin's uniform, "The last thing I want to do is leave you. The very last. I don't want to get a letter saying you got killed. I don't want to be so far away from you." Kevin pulled Connor into a passionate kiss.

"Write to me." Kevin said, "Under a pseudonym . Please. It will keep me going."

The separation was hard. Connor wrote to him under the name Connie McCormick. Kevin saved every letter in his pack. Connor kept every letter from Kevin in a box under his bed.

_August 23, 1944_

_My Dearest Kevin,_

_I hope that you are well. I hope you aren't hurt. I hope every day that you will be alive to read these letters._

_Life back in the states is rather empty. My parents didn't take the news well. I am living in New York now. It's nice. A bit humid, but it's nothing I'm not used to. _

_The dreams are no better now that I'm home. They've gotten worse. My heart aches when I wake up and you are not there to comfort me. Last night was particularly horrid. I dreamt that we were back in war, there was gunfire everywhere. But we weren't fighting Nazis. It was Satan. And they were hurting you, but I was frozen in place. There was nothing I could do. I couldn't scream out. I couldn't save you. I woke up to an empty room. _

_I'm thinking of buying a cat. Or a dog. Some animal. I'm not sure what. You like dogs, don't you? It would be nice to have another being in the apartment. _

_I know you are doing incredible things over there. _

_I will be waiting for you when you come home. _

_Happy Birthday._

_All of my love,_

_C.M._

_October 25, 1944_

_My love,_

_We arrived at the border today. I was so happy to receive your letter. I wish I was there with you. Somewhere safe. Somewhere we could be together without prying eyes. _

_Your birthday wishes arrived just the other day. Mail arrives slowly to the front. I wish I could have seen you. That would have been a great birthday. We didn't really celebrate out here. Some of the men offered me some champagne to celebrate, but I declined. I knew you wouldn't approve if I had drunken it. _

_It's getting cold again here. Hard to believe that only last year we were in England. Last week was our anniversary. Well the anniversary of when I was formally introduced to you. Do you remember? I missed you that day. _

_The nightmares are no better for me. The horrors I have seen, it would make someone even with your strong constitution sick. The way that these monsters have been treating these people, it is an abomination. I saw a couple. They were like us. They had been hurt. Bruised, battered, burned even, but they were still together. Still so very much in love. _

_I love dogs. Though at this point I think I would prefer a cat. They're kinder creatures. _

_I hope to be home soon. _

_I miss you more and more every day._

_I used my money to send this to you express. I hope it reaches your loving hands soon._

_Love Always,_

_Kevin_

_November 25, 1944_

_My Dearest Kevin,_

_Happy Thanksgiving. The couple on the floor beneath me invited me over to dinner. They were so very kind. Shelley, that's the woman, is a very good cook._

_I got us a cat. His name is Jack. I thought you would like that name. He's a little tabby, only a few months old. _

_It's hard spending the holidays without you. At least last year we were together, even though it was under watchful eyes. _

_They say you'll be coming home soon. Well at least that's what the radio says. I don't know if I should believe it or not. Every day ticks by so slowly without you. _

_It's strange, some days I think I see you walking down the street. I call out your name but when the person turns around, it never is you. Other days, the long ones that make me wish for you, I can hardly remember what you look like. These days are far and few between, thankfully, and I can still remember your voice. At least, I think I remember your voice. It's hard when I have nothing to compare it to. _

_I keep your watch close to me. People ask questions. They wonder why I haven't bought a wrist watch. I tell them it's hard to explain, and they seem to understand. But they don't. Cold silver is not a suitable substitute to a warm body. _

_I miss you still. _

_Jack sends his love as well. Even though you haven't met him yet. I know he'll love you. _

_All of my love,_

_C.M._

_December 23, 1944_

_Dearest Love,_

_I've heard the news. They say Roosevelt is sick, and that Truman may take over soon. I don't know what that will mean here on the front. _

_The new year looms closer and all I can say is that I hope you're warm. I hope you are safe. I hope that next year I will be able to celebrate with you. _

_I can't wait to meet Jack. He seems like a nice cat. A stray dog wandered into camp the other night. A little beagle. She didn't have any tags. She was nice. We named her Beth. You have an older sister named Beth. Don't you? I can't remember. She was gone this morning and we had to move on. Lieutenant thought she might have been a spy dog. I'll never know for sure. She slept right next to me. Don't get me wrong, she's no you, but it was comforting. _

_I wish I could say I've seen you on the streets. But I haven't. I wouldn't want to have seen you. Not here. The people here are all cold and scared. They're starved and their ribs stick out in awkward angles. Like the living dead. They all speak German and Yiddish. I can hardly communicate with them. I've seen stars sewn onto their clothing. Some have pink triangles. The pink triangles shouldn't be ignored. I asked why they were different symbols and a prisoner taught me a new word "schwule". He was a teacher, before the war. He said he was put in here for loving another man. _

_I don't want to see this happen, not any more. It gave me nightmares. It made me long for the comfort of your arms. _

_I will be home soon. I can feel it._

_Happy birthday, my dearest love._

_Love always,_

_Kevin_

_January 16, 1945_

_My Dearest Kevin,_

_The days are long and cold. New York City is covered in snow. In a city full of people I am still so lonely. _

_Roosevelt is sick. I don't know what will happen if Truman takes office. Some rumors are swirling around some project the military is working on. I don't know what it is. No one does. _

_New Years was boring. You weren't here. Maybe next year. Birthday was boring as well. I just spent it with Jack. Unfortunately my present was him scratching up the couch legs. Fun. _

_The radiator isn't working. I wish I had your coat from that night on the bridge. Instead I wrap myself in five layers of blankets. My fingers feel frozen so I cannot write much. There isn't much going on here anyways. City that never sleeps my ass. _

_I hope you come home soon, everything is cold without you._

_All my love,_

_C.M._

_February 14, 1945_

_Love,_

_Happy Valentine's day. I miss you, but that was a give in. I wish we had better news here. _

_It is good that we have been doing this work. I think we'll come home soon._

_You remember Christopher Thomas? Poor kid got a letter. Not from someone special. His sister passed away last month. He's been having the hell dreams because he wasn't there. I wish I could comfort him. I don't know what its like to lose a family member. I know what it was like to lose you, and that hurts more than any bullet. _

_Don't worry, I haven't gotten shot. No bullets. I've obeyed orders, just like I told you I would._

_I'm sorry this letter isn't longer, I think the sergeant suspects something. It kills me, but I don't think I will be able to write you for some time. It would be safe if you didn't write me either. _

_We are so close to winning this war. _

_Forever your love,_

_Kevin_

Months went by since Kevin's last letter. Connor was nearly pulling his hair out. He would fiddle with the pocket watch when there was nothing else to do. He tried to keep himself busy. He got a job in a grocery store that agreed not to look at his army record. He moonlighted as a singer in some seedy club. It was hard. He would dream of Kevin; Connor hoped that Kevin was thinking of him half way around the world. A month and a half went by before Connor got any news. Then, in the beginning of May, he got his answer. Not by letter, but by radio.

Germany had surrendered. The European Front was no more. The soldiers were coming home.

Connor cried tears of joy. He waited every day at the docks while the boats came in. He scanned the lists of soldiers returning, looking for that familiar name.

One day he walked home and saw Gloria, the negro woman who lived two floors down and cleaned his apartment, stopped him in the hall.

"Mr. McKinley," She said, "Someone left a call for you this morning, a Mr. Kevin Price?" Connor's eyes went wide, "He told me to tell you that he was commin' on home soon. His plane is flying in next week and—" Connor threw his arms around Gloria and hugged her tightly.

"Thank god." He said. He waited till he was alone to cry tears of joy.

The next week Connor waited nervously outside the airport. He didn't have the guts to go in. Soon soldiers and their families started walking out of the building. Connor's heart caught in his throat and he began to pace again. What if Kevin didn't recognize him? What if Kevin wasn't on this flight? He had seen several waves of soldiers throughout the entire day. Kevin had not arrived yet. What if something horrible had happened to Kevin just before he was set to leave? He had heard of things like that happening. In his frantic pacing he didn't notice Kevin stepping out of the door.

The brown haired boy dropped his duffle bag and ran to the red head. He tapped him on the shoulder. Connor froze.

"Excuse me, but are you waiting for someone?" Kevin said quietly. Connor turned around and pulled Kevin into the tightest hug. Kevin let a few happy tears fall from his eyes as he held Connor close. He could feel Connor sobbing, "Hey now don't cry."

"Don't ever leave me." Connor said, his voice muffled by Kevin's uniform. Kevin pulled Connor's face away from his shoulder and pulled him into a passionate kiss. Neither thought about what people passing might think. When the kiss ended Kevin pulled Connor close again.

"Never." He said hugging the red-head tighter, "I will never let you go."

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